Being parents is a joyful and challenging journey, we have huge responsibility over our little, from daily needs to emotional and education.
I do not believe in the old generation of raising a child, which you deny the child in words and hope that it become negative motivation for the child to behave or become better. For eg, my parents always said to we were “naughty” when we were small, but it doesn’t change us to behave well at that point of time, and my brother become even “naughtier”, another example is the old generation said to their children, “you are useless, you can’t even do this or do that” and they hope this will become negative motivation that make them “useful”, but the fact is many of them or us, become timid, lack of confidence. Even we grown up but the “WORD” had rooted in our subconscious.
"Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder." -Rumi
So when we are raising our little one, we (husband and wife) had an agreement that always say positive word to our boy; and when giving instruction, say what we want him “to do” and not “not to do”.
For example, when our little one shout, we don’t shout back to him “DON’T SHOUT”, instead we told him gently “ lower down your voice”, “gentle voice”, tune down your voice”. You might have to try many time to get this works. I see the progress, at the beginning he will still shouting, but when I keep repeating, he will imitate our “gentle voice”, and “shout” softly. Then I would say “ you are such a good boy”
We learned something interesting from a teachers’ training course, is that when we said to the kids “DON’T SHOUT”, “DON’T RUN”, “DON’T JUMP”, they only heard the last word, “SHOUT”, “RUN”, “JUMP”, etc, so that’s why they don’t stop doing but keep doing.
Ok, back to words, we study about what to say to our boy and want him to grow up with confident and affirmation from us, this is what we had summarize, and it is what we try to affirm him when he did good thing like keeping the toy, follow our instruction. Below are some suggestions,
1.I Love you!
2.You are such a great kid!
3.You make me smile
4.You are precious to us.
5.You are so smart
6.You are an interesting person
7.I like the way you behave
8.I like how your mid works
9.Thanks for well behave
10.Thanks for being such a hard worker
11.You are a great example
12.I am so proud of you
13.You did that so well
14.I am grateful God gave you to me
15.You are so handsome/beautiful
16.You see things so clearly
18.You give the best hugs
19.You are such a brave kid
20.That is really kind thing to do
21.You are really thoughtful
22.I appreciate you so much
23.You are a diligent young man/woman
24.You are amazing!
25.You are an honest young man/woman
26.Wow! You did a great job cleaning your room!
27.What a great idea!
28.I am happy when you are around
29.You bring us a lot of fun!
30.You are so generous!
31.You have a big heart!
32.You can achieve anything you desire
33.You are a little tough guy/girl
34.You have a strong character
35.You are a persistent person!
36.I will do my best to keep you safe!
37.I have faith in you
38.I know you can do it
39.You are so creative!
40.You are so capable!
41.You are important!
42.I am happy to talk with you
43.I am glad you are here
44.It’s fun to do things with you
45.Thanks for helping
46.Your ideas matter
47.You are polite
48.There is no one like you
49.I know you can figure it out
50.Your work is impressive!
51.You are a special individual
52.You bring joy to our family!
53.You are a good communicator
54.You have a big heart!
55.You are so sociable
56.You are a gentle little boy/girl
57.You are so adorable
58.How did you do that?
59.I am excited to see what you do
60.You are valuable
There are many more, you can learn from the web or create your own.
These positive words/phrase will empower our kids, with more confident and enjoy life.
Positive and affirmative words & phrase are like sunshine that grow our kids with love. Negative and denial words & phrase will make kids bitter not only their childhood but their whole life.